Saturday, June 20, 2015

When Your Hometown No Longer Feels Like It’s Your Home

What It’s Like When Your Hometown No Longer Feels Like It’s Your Home

By: Gigi Engle


It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist. Maybe it’s like this rite of passage, you know?

I don’t know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place. – “Garden State”

There will come a time in adulthood when you make that cherished journey back to the place where you grew up.

A time when you book a plane ticket and embark on that familiar voyage back to the place where you lost your first tooth, where you had your first kiss and where you learned your first lessons about life.

You leave the life you’ve been creating for yourself, the life that seems so small compared to the one your parents made for you.

You take a deep breath and make that trip home.

You get to your hometown and drive down the same streets you still know like the back of your hand.

You see your family, you reminiscence and you go to sleep in your old bed. Somewhere along the way, it will hit you.

As you lie bathed in the echoing memories of what feels like a hundred lifetimes ago, it slithers in.

The thought will creep up on you, as you lie awake, listening to the sounds of the house that sheltered you long before you were exposed to the harsh realities of the world, back when this was the only life you really knew.

It’s a sad feeling, really. One that is ripe with loss. As you stare at the cracks in your ceiling, as you trace your fingers over the initials you carved into your bed frame at the age of eight, suddenly, you realize you don’t feel comfortable like you once did.

You feel like a stranger inside of a place you used to know so well. It feels like you’ve stepped inside the memories of another life.

It suddenly becomes very apparent your old house, in your old town, is no longer home.

Where you imagined you would feel so safe and at peace, you instead feel lost.

It’s overwhelming, and it’s strange. It hurts to feel this way, to find yourself feeling so disconnected in a place that is supposed to be the epitome of your comfort zone.

It’s daunting to have to face the harsh reality that this place you used to call home is no longer that place for you. Your heart is no longer there. You no longer belong.

Everything has a past, but you don’t see a future.

You drive past your old high school, your favorite sandwich shop and that worn-down playground.

Everything is dripping with nostalgia. Everything here has a story. Yet, you don’t see a future.

You don’t see yourself ever wanting to come to these places again.

You don’t see yourself raising a family here, putting down roots. It feels like a closed chapter book, and there are no new memories to be made.

It feels more like a vacation spot than it does home.

You used to feel so content here. Everything suddenly feels like a novelty.

You don’t come here after being away from home; you plan to come here after being at your home.

Home stops feeling like a place of rest when you have to use a few of your allotted 14 vacation days in order to go there.

You realize the only thing you had in common with your old friends is you grew up here.

Once you left high school, you suddenly realized the only thing you had in common with your “high school friends” was the fact that you went to the same school.

Where you used to miss your friends so much, you now don’t want to see anyone who grew up with you when you need to leave the house.

Once you get out into the real world, you find people who have similar dreams and aspirations. They left their hometowns for the bigger picture, just like you.

You see how far you’ve come.

You realize you’ve evolved, but your hometown hasn’t. You see people doing the same things they’ve always done, and you don’t want to do those things. You see how much you’ve grown.

Sometimes it takes going back to your old hood to see just the true trajectory of your progress in life.

You see the girls from high school who are married with kids, still living on the same street; you see the dads playing golf and pumping their gas in middle-class suburbia, and you realize this may have been the life you grew up with, but it isn’t the life you want for yourself.

It may make them happy, but it could never be enough for you.

Activities you used to love have now lost their luster.

You used to love going to the mall and going swimming in the lake. You adored mini golf and running around in the local woods, drinking 40s.

All of those activities and places you used to put so much importance and significance on now seem shallow and pointless.

A trip to the movies used to feel like the most incredible thing in the world.

When you’re home, you become strangely aware of how much of an adult you have become.

You feel like an outsider because you are an outsider.

You feel like a stranger in a strange land in a place you used to call “home.”

You realize the idea of “home” is very subjective. Just because you grew up somewhere doesn’t mean you’ll always belong there.

You know this place will always hold a small piece of your heart and will forever contain some of your fondest memories — and yet, this place is no longer home.

It’s a curious thing that happens when you’ve grown up. It comes on unexpectedly, but it always comes.

The place you’re meant to call home is out there, waiting for you to find it.


  1. hello your post are awesome i love reading your blog.....i kind of know what you mean when you write: "You feel like an outsider because you are an outsider"
    for many many here i lived abroad and when 5 years ago i moved to my hometown i feel like a stranger ...i feel like i dont belong to anywhere funny right but i dont mind as it makes me see the all world as my home and i do not identify with a country .....i have apply to ethiad and i will have my AD in a week....i hope it will go well .....i used to fly 6 years ago then i left but i miss it so will see what is going to happened. If i get the job i will move to abu dhabi, can i ask you what was hard for you once you move there ? did you enjoy it? i am not really thinking about the move as i havent got the job yet and i am not sure wether i will get it...i know i got to think and stay positive....;)
    Thank you dear for such a awesome blog

    1. Dear Cristina
      What an exciting time you have infront of you with your Etihad AD coming up. I always think its super exciting with these open days/assessment days ect, because these recruitment events can change our entire life...which is amazing...we never know :-)
      ..Fingers crossed for you and i wish you all the best!!! :-)
      As for the questions you asked...I dont know if you had the chance to read this interview a blogger did with me:::

      In this interview i have explained a lot, about my emotions/thoughts with that job + more...
      Also here is another link filled with info::::

      Thought i would share those with you :-)
      You wrote that you dont feel like you belong anywhere, and i think people like us, who love to travel and explore each corner of the world...and people like us who feel there is more in this world than the country we were born in, its like we come from this ''nomansland' hehehe with a world passport :-)
      We belong everywhere yet nowhere :-)
      But as life goes on and each place we explore or live in, will be a part of us, doesnt matter where :-)
      Anyhow thank you for your kind words Cristina and sharing your thoughts....wishing you nothing but the best in 1 week with your Etihad AD....hope you come back with positive results :-)
      Take care dear
      Have a lovely night

    2. Thank you so much dear i will lets u know for sure ...hugs and thak you again for all the time and effort you put into helping people
      love and light
      cris x

  2. Hello Cabin crew dreamer..I can imagine how you feel probably missing that job but you cant do it any more..hope you found new dream now.

    1. Thank you, you are so sweet. Soon 2016 is here and i want to wish you a blessed and a positive new start of 2016 that is soon coming our way ♥ ♥ May all your dreams come true ♥ ♥ ♥

  3. (the one with the glasses question here, i don't know why but it kept kicking me out of the comment field in the other post.. haha)

    Hi again :)
    Haha thanks :b *-*
    Wow, you are sooo nice!! (You're the sweet one here hehe ♡) How'd you even find these pictures haha... thanks so much for your effort!! (I believed you, but now I see haha)

    Okay, I totally understand the posting thing ;)

    Would you mind chatting about the FA life? :) (I have a few questions but more of a curious nature not urgent or so haha. You really can say no... :D I don't want to bother you.)

    Lovely regards!

    1. ♥ hello dear :-)
      hope u are well today
      good that you mentioned the glasses so i know who im writing for :-)
      strange that you couldnt comment on that other post, but good you posted here. But where we post doesnt really matter as long as people have the option to comment :-)
      ♥ i wouldnt mind answering any questions you have dear, if you want you can use the ''contact me¨'' form to your right and write all the questions you have and i will reply you back to your email account :-)
      or you can write your questions here as well, your choice :-)
      Regardless if you have 5 questions or 40, im happy to answer them all :-)
      this is why im here :-)
      Wishing you a lovely day today dear
      god bless u
      ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  4. Hi!! :) It's me again (glasses). A question just came across my mind: Were you a line holder (I think that's how it's called) or on-call? How did Ethihad handle that? I'm wondering if the newcommers maybe only are on-call? :)
    And if so, how long have you had to be with Etihad to hold a line?

    Have a nice day! xx :)

    1. hi dear
      hope ur well :-)
      i think what u mean would be standby. Yes crew are put on standby from time to time...regardless if you are a new joiner or not. but everyone get them in their rosters...u can either get a 1 day home standby or airport standby on ur roster / month...or u can get 4-5 standbys each month...
      i dont think i ever been on standby for more than 4-5 days in a month. BUT with emirates i think each year each crew have to be on standby one whole month. but etihad dont have this.
      the roster with etihad varies a lot...sometimes it would go 5 months and perhaps i would not get 1 single standby....or sometimes i would get 4-5 standbys on my roster for 2 months straight...ect...
      when it comes to the roster it doesnt matter if u are a new joiner or been with the company for years.
      they do their best to give crew a very mix roster each months, which etihad is very good at.
      have a lovely day to u too dear
      take care

    2. Hi! :))
      I am, hope you're too :))
      Yeah haha that's what I meant, thank you! Well, that sounds really good actually ;)
      Regards <3